A Life of “What Ifs”
If I could change one thing, it would be to never stop singing. Or playing the flute. Or learning the piano or guitar. Music sets my soul on fire, and writing makes me feel alive. I hear every layer of a song—the harmonies, rhythms, beats—and it feels so natural. It’s such a natural way to embrace vulnerability.
I think I was meant to be an artist, a creator—not someone writing policies, essays, or research. But pondering what could have been is meaningless now. It only depresses me.
The Weight of Choices
Free will is both a blessing and a curse. With so many choices, how do we know if we’re on the right path? How do we decide what to pursue when time is finite and the possibilities endless?
Looking back, I wonder if my past choices were the best ones. But perception is tricky; it alters how we see life. A slight shift in perspective can completely change the meaning behind what we’ve experienced.
Embrace Vulnerability
I’m afraid of being seen and misunderstood. I’m afraid my writing, thoughts, and dreams are meaningless. Yet, despite the fear, I know I can’t let go of the part of me that loves introspection and darkness. That shadow side is just as much a part of who I am as the light.
How do we decide which parts of ourselves to keep and which to let go? Are our coping mechanisms and past selves essential to who we are, or can we truly move on without them?
The Desire for Love
I want to be loved as I am—flawed, healing, and still figuring it out. I want someone who sees my darkness and loves me anyway. Someone to dream with, grow with, and stumble alongside. Someone who values interdependence over codependence and isn’t afraid of difficult conversations.
I know I’m worthy of love because I love myself in that way. But fear holds me back—fear of rejection, of trying and failing, of risking it all for nothing.
Embrace Hope Through Vulnerability
Hope keeps me moving forward. It’s what keeps my dreams alive. Life is messy, and sometimes it’s okay to let the darkness take over. Sometimes all we can do is just be, and that’s enough. Despite the messiness, I’m grateful for my life. For London, for this experience, for everything I’ve accomplished so far.
I’m not ready to settle for “good enough,” but I think I’ll know when it’s time. It’s a feeling—a certainty that I always recognize when it comes.
For now, I’ll keep moving forward, holding onto hope, and embracing the beautiful mess that is life. Because, in the end, I’m just really glad to be alive.
As always, don’t forget to share your revelations with me below ♡
Until next time,
Audrey
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