Hi, my name is Audrey. It’s August 26, 2024, though I’ve been getting the date wrong all week. Right now, I’m in Coos Bay, Oregon, doing laundry and reflecting on where I’ve been, where I’m going, and everything in between.
Leaving California for Coos Bay, OR
I dipped out of California yesterday after a less-than-stellar experience in Eureka. It just didn’t vibe with me, so I moved on. I’ve been craving meaningful social interaction lately and, after some thought, decided to jump back onto social media. At first, I hoped it might help me reconnect with people or create new friendships, but now I’m wondering if I regret that choice.
Social media is a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, it offers a way to connect. On the other, it reminds me of the draining, one-sided relationships I’ve dealt with in the past. Today, I felt overwhelmed and exhausted by the weight of those old, toxic dynamics. It’s like I’m realizing how much I’ve poured into others without receiving the same energy in return.
The Struggle for Connection
I’ve always thought of myself as someone who’s too nice—too willing to give my time, energy, and support to people who don’t reciprocate. For years, I mistook people talking at me as intimacy or connection. But now I see the truth: I’ve been neglecting my own needs while trying to help others with theirs.
I’m at a crossroads with social media. I want connection, but I’m not sure if that’s the right way to find it. I crave real, reciprocal relationships—conversations with depth and mutual interest. But how do I create that without social media? How do I balance wanting meaningful human interaction with protecting my energy?
Lessons from a Draining Day in Coos Bay
Today was tough. Even after finishing my laundry and taking a much-needed shower, I felt like I’d lost an entire day to emotional exhaustion. Still, I reminded myself that these days are part of the healing process. Growth isn’t linear, and I’m learning to be okay with that.
The progress I’ve made is undeniable. I can look back and see how far I’ve come—not just emotionally but in every aspect of my life. It’s like when I used to do pole fitness and one day realized how strong my body had become. That’s how my emotional growth feels now. I’m no longer a beginner.
Gratitude Amid the Struggles
Even on days like today, when I feel lonelier after social interaction than I did before, I’m learning to focus on gratitude. I’ve come a long way, and while I still have a journey ahead, I’m proud of the person I’m becoming.
I’m working to attract people with good energy—those who want to grow alongside me rather than take from me. The journey is challenging, but I’m determined to keep trying, learning, and moving forward.
What’s Next
As the sun sets over Coos Bay, I’m not sure where I’ll sleep tonight or what tomorrow will bring, but that’s okay. This road trip is about rediscovery and self-mastery. For now, I’ll grab some food (hello, McDonald’s!) and rest up for whatever comes next.
To anyone out there feeling the same craving for connection or struggling with energy-draining relationships: keep going. It gets easier, and the growth is worth it.
As always, don’t forget to share your revelations with me below ♡
Until next time,
Audrey
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